One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in life is to go with the flow. I know it sounds like a hippy mantra, something that a peacenik might mumble under his breath, as he blows a gray/blue stream of smoke from chapped lips, while raising a weathered hand in a peace sign. “Hey man, go with the flow.”

My lesson of learning to go with the flow began when I was a bit younger and staunchly rigid in my thinking. There were no hippy days for my, but there was plenty of time to learn lessons. I'll admit to being something of a control freak. It could even be a mild case of OCD, as some of my children suggest. Things like arranging my M&M's by color before eating them. And hanging my shirts by color, then by sleeve length in my closet. It's not so much that I'm controlling. I just like things to be orderly.

During a time in my life, I had a mentor whose job was to teach me to be a self-sufficient parent, who could support six children by myself. And she knew my story, my insecurities, my challenges, all the intimate details of life that I'm not comfortable sharing with just anyone. And then she retired. Before I was anywhere near self-sufficient. And the project introduced me to my new mentor, Beth Rosen. A beautiful, young woman shining with energy. She literally glowed like an angel. I took an immediate disliking to her. How could such a young, beautiful creature possibly offer any insight into my complex life, I wondered. Well, over the course of a couple of years, I learned how wrong I was.

Not only was Beth beautiful, and insightful, but she was very kind and patient, gently working with me, until I began to trust her. And one day, she quoted from a book she was reading, as I was trying to figure out the course of my life. She told me that it is easier to float downstream than to fight against the current.

I looked at her a moment, awakened by her insight. It actually is much easier to float downstream. And that brings me back to going with the flow. Surrendering yourself to what is. To many, including myself, this surrendering might appear to be giving up. Really, you are giving up. Giving up control over those things you can't control.

I will always be indebted to Beth, for much more than just that simple phrase, but that phrase about floating downstream was so profound for me, that it changed my entire way of thinking. Going with the flow doesn't imply giving up. Rather it is an acknowledgment that we do not and can not control everything in our lives.

Much as we'd like to, there are certain things we can't change, no matter how hard we try to row the boat upstream. I have another friend, who reminds people not to complain about the weather. In fact, it is a pet peeve for her, when people begin griping about the weather. Why complain? It's not as if God would suddenly say, “Oh. You don't like the snow and the wind? So sorry. Let me change that to sunshine and 75 degrees.” Of course that would be nice, but it's not happening.

What does happen, when we get frustrated or angry or irritated by things that don't matter, and thing we can't change, is we spend our time frustrated, angry and irritated. Instead of giving your emotions over to irritation, accept that there are certain things over which we have no control. And that is okay.

When you feel yourself getting frustrated by a situation, or by the weather, or by an interruption, take a deep breath. Hold it for a moment. Now, as you breathe out, smile. That is all. Just smile. Breathing in, feel peaceful, breathing out, smile. With that simple exercise, you can release your irritation, and get back to enjoying the flow of life.

Simple breathing isn't the only thing you can do, to avoid irritation, but it helps. Another thing to do is notice your anger. As you feel that frustration building, take a moment and become aware of it. Step outside of your head and ask, “Why am I so irritated right now?”

What you may discover is that your irritation has nothing to do with the circumstances, and everything to do with you. Maybe you yelled at your kids again. And now you are mad at yourself for yelling, and you are mad at your spouse for not yelling, and suddenly people are upset all around you. Take a moment, go back to the beginning and examine what it is that made you so angry in the first place. Look at why you are angry. Is this something you can change, fix or control? No? Then let it go. And apologize to your family.

Most of what comes along each day to disrupt our peace is unavoidable. External factors will always be with us, and most of them will remain outside of our control. The important thing is to remember that you can see peace in any situation. You can take useful action, while still going with the flow.

Today is an opportunity for each one of us to see the beauty of the world around us. Take a moment, breathe in deeply, and for right now, go with the flow. You might discover the view is even better downstream.

Namaste my friends

I've been called a lot of names in my life. Some were good. Some were bad. Some deserved and some not. Some names have boggled my mind. As a younger, conservative fundamentalist, when I was called a liberal feminist I was crushed.

My kids have called me a lot of names, sometimes to my face, but usually under their breath as they are walking away from me. Recently however, I was called a name that just left me baffled.

Let me give you just a tiny bit of history. Since the creation of the iphone, I have coveted that device. During the early years after its inception, they cost was prohibitive. And, they had an exclusive contract with AT&T, to which I did not belong. Then, after years went by, and I had a variety of different phones, the iphone became available on the Verizon network. Oh joy. At long last, I could have the phone I had only dared dream of.

So Charlie bought me an iPhone for Mother's Day. What a great gift. Everything I always wanted in an electronic device. And don't get me started about Siri. The talking phone.

And an added benefit, a feature called Siri. If you don't have an iPhone, or you've never heard of Siri, it is officially Speech Interpretation and Recognition Interface. Basically, Siri allows you to talk to your phone, and theoretically, Siri obeys your request. If you look at the Apple information online, or if you've ever seen a commercial about Siri, you might think this development could change the world, and it could.

One day, as I was driving around Randolph, UT searching for the high school so I could interview the valedictorian and salutatorian, I asked Siri for directions. It's awfully hard to read a map while driving, and I didn't want to waste time pulling over and asking for directions. So I asked Siri.

Her response? Siri said, “May I call you succulent?” What? That is what she said. Unsure what she meant, I responded, “Sure. Now can you locate Rich County High School?”

Siri said, “Yes, Succulent. It is on the right in one tenth of a mile.”

I was puzzled. Was she actually calling me succulent? Succulent? What does that mean? So I asked, “Siri, what does succulent mean?”

And she said, “I found this.” Onto the screen popped a definition of succulent: a plant adapted to arid environments, with fleshy water storing leaves.”

Hmmm. I have been called a lot of things in my life, but never succulent. I was momentarily insulted. Was Siri calling me fat? We'd never actually met, and I thought it was a little forward of her, to start calling me succulent.

Now, when I use Siri, she always says, “Yes Succulent. Your wish is my command.” When I say thank-you, Siri fires back, “I aim to please, Succulent.”

I've never heard of Siri giving other people nicknames, and to be honest, it's a little embarrassing. What am I going to say, “What does Siri call you? She calls me Succulent?” It would sound a lot like bragging. That's not to say that I'm not succulent.

I've since looked up the definition online, and I think I've found a few words I can live with: tender; luscious; fleshy.

Yep. That's me alright. Siri may have had a moment of insight, in her robotic life. When I asked her why she calls me succulent, she though I said, “Call Succulent,” and she dialed my phone. Talk about a moment of confusion.

So, rather than try to figure out why Siri calls me Succulent, I've decided to embrace this unexpected and unlikely moniker, and accept the fleshy, luscious, tender side of myself.

We all get called by a variety of names, nicknames, and pet names. Today, I challenge you to think about the names you call people, and seek to encourage and lift them up. Even if you do have to call them succulent.

Namaste Friends

What am I doing here? Here, in Evanston. Here, at this radio station. Here, as a mom. What is the point? As long as man has walked the planet, he has wondered abut a purpose.

Purpose was easy to find, in the cave man days. Eat or be eaten. Hunt or be hunted. When struggling for survival, the meaning of life takes on a different feeling. Survival imbues life with its own meaning. Staying warm, fed, clothed. These are the tasks of life.

But once those questions have been answered, and survival is assured, then once again we turn inward or outward or upward and wonder what the purpose is. Great thinkers have posed the question, and answered. Joseph Campbell said, “Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to ife. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.” So is the meaning of life to give your own life meaning?

Some Christian scholars believe the meaning of life is to love God and serve according to his purpose. What then is God's purpose? Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all you heart soul and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. So if we are loving God, and loving our neighbors, what does that look like?

For someone who studies the Tao, the meaning of life is to understand the profound unity of the universe and study a path that joins that unity rather than disturbing it.

Even those who follow no religious pursuit, who claim no ties to God, or Buddha, or Tao, even they search for a meaning to why we are here. Charles Darwin said simply, “We are here because we evolved.”

That simplistic answer leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. Darwin may be right about evolution, but he missed the mark on purpose. Not purposefully. He missed failed to consider the purpose behind our evolution.

Which brings me back to my question. What am I doing here? How can any one of us get through our life, without some idea of what we'd like to accomplish? I set out, early on, to be a doctor. I wanted to help people feel better, to help them be well. And somewhere along the way, I had eight children, and I lost sight of medical school.

For a long time I drifted. Basic survival became a necessity, and I put behind me those lofty goals of medical school, of changing the world, and of helping people feel better. I couldn't help myself. How could I possibly help anyone else? After spending many years in a fog of poverty and abuse, I awakened one day to realize that I could make life better for my children, and that became my purpose. Make life better for my kids.

Along the way, I made life better for myself. As I came out of my shell and emerged into the world, I realized that life can be better for everyone. We can each make life better for ourselves, and for those around us. We don't have to discover great meaning and purpose to our being here. We can start where we are and create purpose for our lives right here.

Wherever you are today, you can ascribe meaning to your life. Begin by forgiving yourself for whatever mistakes, faults, and shortcomings you perceive. Then, think about the people in your life. Your children, your spouse, your boss. And as you think of them, send thoughts of love, acceptance and forgiveness. Surround them with love. After you finish sending love to the people in your life, take a moment to think of the people in your life you don't particularly like. You're ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-friend, ex-boss. All those people who cause you to grind your teeth, clench your jaw and who cause anxiety to well up like acid from the pit of your stomach. Think of people who hurt you, whether intentionally or not. Think of the ones you dislike, distrust, and abhorr. Before you let the anxiety, fear and frustration overtake you, pause for just a moment. Under your breath say the words, “I forgive you.” Take a deep breath and let the forgiveness wash over you. This is not easy, but you will be okay.

Letting go of resentment is one of the hardest and best things we can do for ourselves. The only thing harder is to forgive yourself. The meaning I give to my life is to share love, peace and forgiveness with the people around me. We are all surrounded with people, whether we like it or not. We have families, work, friends. For me, I will share love and forgiveness with my husband, with my kids. With my friends, and with you.

The reason I am here is because I am exactly where I need to be. The reason you are there is because you are exactly where you need to be. Whatever challenges you face, whatever struggles you endure, these are the lessons for you today. Embrace them. Learn from them. And share love with the people you meet.

Namaste friends

I've only lived in Evanston for four years. Just one tenth of my whole life really, but I have finally found a home. And now, at long last, I understand what Dorothy meant when she said, “There's no place like home.”

Home is where your heart is. Yes, it's true. But what does that mean? Most of my adult life was spent, not as a transient so much, but moving around a lot, never making close friends, never settling any one place for too long. Always one step ahead of trouble. A life on the move can be exciting, if you look at it that way. Never knowing where you will land. Never knowing who you will meet, or where you will be next month.

While I enjoy travelling, life on the move can be tiring. You never feel like you can really rest. It's hard to establish traditions, or meaningful patterns. When you are constantly on the go, it is hard to feel a sense of place or belonging. You never really know where you are.

And then, Charlie brought me home. Home to his house on 1st Ave. The home he had grown up in. The home where he learned to walk. Where he learned to read. Where he learned to drive. Such a sense of belonging seemed foreign to me. I couldn't imaging living somewhere for an entire life. Yet something called to me, to my restless heart. The log cabin on 1st Avenue, where generations of Demander's have crawled across green shag carpeting, and countless dogs have scratched their pleas into the kitchen door. Where countless cousins and uncles and babies and pets have measured their growth with smudged pencil marks on the door jamb, marking the passing of years.

You can live an entire life without ever being home. I spent most of my life never feeling rooted, stable or grounded. We were always on the move, Always packing, always leaving. And now, I have a home. A place to raise my children, and they are free to grow, to learn and to leave. And I will always be here when they come back. The home that has comforted so many before me, now comforts me, and my children, and their children to come.

Honestly, I may not always be here, but home will always be here for them and for me. I plan to travel, to see the rest of the world, to explore and to change lives. But I will always come home. Travelling is good for the soul. Seeing the world, plumbing the marvelous depths of creation. But coming home is what nourishes the spirit. Coming homes gives you rest, peace and a sense of place. There really is no place like home.

Travelling just a short distance away can change your perspective. Salt Lake is only an hour away, but it a whole other world away. Much like most places. The distance between them isn't as great as the difference between them. Exploring those differences gives you more than an experience. It broadens your perspective, and helps to develop an appreciation for what you have in your life.

How can you appreciate a home, until you been without one? How can you appreciate your wealth and affluence, until you meet someone who survives in a much different way? And once you've travelled the world, and met a cowardly lion, and a mean witch, and received the kindness of strangers, then when you finally return, exhausted and expanded, you can look gratefully around you and sigh, “There's no place like home.”

Today is a great day to appreciate your home, wherever you are.

Namaste Friends