It’s easy to be optimistic when life runs smoothly.  When things flow, everything seems to work together. Stressors come along, but you handle them calmly. Problems arise, but you work through them. Conflicts seem to dissipate fairly, when life is in the flow.

But what about when everything falls apart? How do you handle your life then? The philosophical answer is that you remain in the moment, unperturbed. You remember to breathe deeply and calmly. You focus on only the things you can change in the moment. The spiritual answer: you ask God for strength. You focus on God as the source of your comfort, and of all things in your life. On a physical level, when things around you fall apart, you maintain your disciplined schedule of rising early, studying and meditating, exercising, strict eating. You avoid those foods that are known to increase your anxiety, and you eschew alcohol.

All of those answers exist in an ideal world. But what about in real life, when things fall apart? What about when you can’t make it through the day without a glass of wine or two, and before bedtime you realize the bottle is empty again? What about when you lose your job? Even though it was a stressful job that didn’t pay nearly enough, and you never felt acknowledged for your work, it was still a job. It still gave some purpose to your day.  What about when someone you love leaves you? Although you fought a lot, and were getting tired of them anyway, you still miss the idea of being in a relationship.

When things fall apart in real life, what does a normal person do? We aren’t all spiritual gurus or disciplined yogis, or fit athletes, able to roll with the punches, no matter the circumstance. In real life, real people handle stress in a myriad of ways. When life caves in all around you, there are some things you can do, that don’t require you to be enormously disciplined, that will help shore up the walls of your sanity.

When things fall apart, the first step is to ask for help. You don’t have to ask anyone specifically. The Universe will hear your request, whether it is out loud or just in your heart. Ask for help and believe that it is on its way. When you ask the universe for help, remember to release the form it takes. When help comes your way, be sure to take advantage of it, rather than reject it based on looks alone. Just because your help doesn’t come packaged the way you’d expected, don’t dismiss it out of hand.

After asking for help, it is important to remember to breath. Often when you are in the midst of mind numbing crisis, one of the things you forget to do is breathe. Of course, you are breathing. It’s an automatic function. But during crisis or panic mode, the breathing often becomes rapid and shallow. You forget to breathe deeply, and you neglect a full exhale. Breathing properly is an extremely important part of healing. Breathe in deeply, fully oxygenating your blood, filling your lungs to capacity. Hold it for a moment, and then breathe out fully, cleansing your lungs and your body of stale air. A few deep breaths will help clear and calm your mind, and will release some of the stress you’ve been carrying.

The main thing to keep in mind when things fall apart is this: everything always changes. Regardless of the situation you are in now, this too shall pass. Everything is in a constant state of change. The good times will pass into hard times. The hard times will flow into good times. The cycle will continue throughout your life. So even when things fall apart, the best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that things will come together, and they will fall apart again.

I have always expressed a fondness for the quiet spaces between the notes. The interlude. Not only in music, but also in life the calm between moments of frenzied activity offers a chance to breathe and take in the beauty of life.

And now, I am enjoying an interlude of my own. Some of you may have noticed that I am no longer with Evanston’s radio station, Cook Brother’s Broadcasting. And some of you may have never noticed that I left the Uinta County Herald. Let me bring you up to date, and share a little of what’s happening in my life.

I enjoyed working at the Herald for nearly two years. Then, an exciting opportunity opened up for me at K-9 and KADQ radio stations. While working at the newspaper offered me a chance to hone my writing skills, and meet many wonderful community members, the radio station offered a chance to develop some different skill sets. Both environments were fun, challenging, and not without their own different stresses.

I have always been a writer. From my youngest days as a middle school student, the burning desire to create with the written word has always been with me. About ten years ago, I felt inspired to write a book about marriage. The actual writing of the book took only about a month of concerted effort. And then, like many other well-intentioned ideas, it sat on the wayside while life interrupted my plans.

Following many life changes, including moving to Evanston and working at the aforementioned jobs, I felt the time had come for me to complete that long ago abandoned project. I decided at the end of April that to really finish my book and get started on other books that have been churning in my head, I would need to focus my attention and intention on that goal.

After leaving the radio station at the end of April, I completed the long-delayed process of writing my first book. On May 10, 2013, The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex was published on Amazon.

Don’t get too bent out of shape now. It is a book about marriage, with a catchy title. Books live and die by their covers and by their titles. The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex is not of the 50 Shades of Gray genre of books. Rather, it is designed to improve your marriage, no matter how long you’ve been married.

In addition, I am currently working on two more non-fiction books, The Married Girls Guide to Daily Devotion, and The Married Girls Guide to Practical Spirituality. I anticipate both of those books will be available by the end of the year. I am also writing a fictitious work, which seems to grow by the day and take on a life of its own.

While I’m not on the radio, nor in the newspaper, you can still find my work in the Market Mailer, on my website, deborahdemander.com, and of course on Amazon.

In addition, I offer motivational seminars, not only on my book, but on a variety of other topics.

I look forward to seeing or hearing from you.

Namaste Friends.

Some days, it’s hard to keep focused. While at work, the Internet is a veritable smorgasbord of fascinating information. Some of it is even useful. At home, the multi-tasking gene kicks into high gear as homework jostles with housework, vying for attention.

 I read a book recently that suggested that the answer to interruptions in our tightly scheduled days might be a godsend. A godsend is defined as a very helpful or useful person or event. And I am here to agree that interruptions can be divinely inspired.

It’s all a matter of perspective. When facing a tight deadline, frustration mounts as the minutes tick by. Each moment is precious when you are hard pressed for time, and those ill timed phone calls, emails, and even visitors into your life can be time consuming and task-disorienting. 

It doesn’t take much to get me off task: a talky news story about a celebrity pregnancy; an email from a good friend; Facebook. The list of distractions is lengthy and it takes a great deal of will power to get work done. Even as I write, my mind is dancing back and forth between writing, reading news stories, and hearing about the next Sunday Night Football opening number. And what has Tiger been up to these days?

The book I mentioned, before getting myself distracted, suggests that every interruption in your day be treated as a special message for you, directly from the Universe. When a friend called about having coffee this morning, my first thought was, “I don’t have time today. I have so much work to do.”

But I agreed to meet, thinking back to my book and divine appointments. Perhaps there was a reason to meet with this friend, other than coffee.

We shared coffee and conversation. And as we were leaving, he suggested taking our dogs for a walk. And I mentioned that one of our dogs had jumped out of the back of our truck nearly two weeks ago. Walking out of the coffee shop, he asked what kind of dog it was. 

“English Springer Spaniel.”

“I saw your dog! Sunday!”

I was shocked. “Two days ago Sunday, or ten days ago Sunday?”

 He said just two days ago he had seen the dog, near where we lost him. Charlie and I drove to the area, where we have searched in vain for hours, on foot and by car. We called and whistled. After a couple of hours, we decided to head back into town. 

And there, exhausted and disheartened stood Copper, by the side of the road. He was covered in mud and dust with little bits of blood mixed in, where he had gotten banged up. His snout was sore looking and raw, as if he had a run-in with an angry cactus. He just looked tired. Almost too tired to wag his stubby tail. He jumped into the car and howled his pleasure all the way home.

And I realized that meeting my friend was a divine appointment. God brings people into your life everyday. Sometimes they are strangers, with whom you exchange only a fleeting smile. Sometimes, the meeting involves the exchange of energy in some way. 

You have a choice with divine appointments. You can bury your head and refuse to learn the lessons people bring you. Or you can open your eyes, look around you, and embrace the divine appointments God has arranged for you today. 

Nothing is a waste of time, if you seek purpose. Everyone person you meet today has a gift or a lesson. Now, it is up to you to make the most of those encounters.

Namaste my friends.