In the aftermath of chaos and holiday madness, I lost my phone. It wasn’t such a bad thing, really. I spent all of Christmas Day enjoying peace and quiet, unable to text and call. I even found time to take a nap.

As we began to filter through empty stockings, piles of paper and the remnants of Christmas, I discovered my forgotten phone, buried under the cheery rubble.

It was so nice not having it, I decided on the following day to just put the phone away.

Most of us are attached to our stuff. Our phones are always nearby. Our computers are nearby, ready to answer emails, check Facebook, and immerse us in online escapism.

Besides the electronic madness that controls our daily lives, we are surrounded by stuff. We are buried by more stuff than we can ever use in our lifetime, and our children will suffer after our passing, as they sort through all the stuff, wondering why we kept so much.

I was caring recently for a dear friend who has become quite ill. While sitting by her side, holding her hand, massaging her feet and reassuring her, I noticed that she was surrounded by stuff. Piles and piles of clothes, papers, knick-knacks and tchotchke. It was overwhelming, to think about her imminent passing and the responsibility of wading through all of that stuff.

When I got home after one particularly stressful day, I began sorting through my file drawers. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but I decided to look through every single piece of paper, and honestly assess the value and necessity of each.

Although I’m not a hoarder, I tend to hold on to special notes from people I love, as well as clippings and pictures from magazines. After a couple of hours, I was astonished at the pile of papers headed to the recycle bin. When I honestly looked at all those papers, it turned out that most of them were not essential to my daily life. Most of them had no real purpose, other than to keep my file cabinets brimming with paper.

With a proud sense of accomplishment, I closed the mostly empty file drawers and wondered for a moment why I need such a large file cabinet anyway. Now that it’s empty, it seems redundant. However, it does make a good television stand.

Although it was getting late, I was energized by all that purging and I began cleaning out my drawers.

It is amazing, how attached we can become to things like clothes. I had a closet full of clothes of a variety of different sizes. Some are too small, waiting in vain for me to lose just enough weight. Some are way too big, just in case I get fat. Some are from long ago, with emotional baggage attached. I began yanking clothes out of drawers, off of hangers and throwing them into a bag with reckless abandon.

It was freeing, to release so much stuff. Now, when I walk through the house, one eye is on what I can get rid of next.

I don’t want to die at 111, surrounded by junk. I want to be surrounded by people who love me. Most of the stuff we accumulate and refuse to part with has some emotional significance to us, but to no one else.

Instead of filling our lives with more and more stuff, perhaps we should acquire experiences. We don’t need more stuff. What we need is more love, more passion and more fun. When we fill our lives with experience, our need to be surrounded by belongings will diminish.

Namaste, friends

I ate a cookie. After I resolved to cut sugar out of my diet less than a week ago, I ate a cookie. And it was good.

The problem with New Year’s resolutions is, they are easy to break. And I am weak. That’s the real problem. My resolve isn’t what it used to be.

Actually, my resolve was never what it used to be. Over the years, and going back as far as I can remember, I use the new year as a time to make all the changes to my perceived shortcomings. These usually include a long litany: lose weight, stop swearing, exercise more, work harder, sleep less, be nicer, spend more time with my kids, and pray more. I was exhausted, just trying to remember all the things I was going to do right. Within a month or so, I would have forgotten half the list and given up on the other half, dismayed at my lack of discipline and self-control.

Over the years, however, that list has evolved as I have grown up. I don’t really care about losing weight. I do care about being healthy, but I haven’t weighed myself in a very long time. I know I feel tired and worn out when I eat too much sugar, so my decision not to eat sugar was based more on feeling well. I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions anymore.

I have realized as I’ve grown older that I don’t need to wait for a certain day on the calendar in order to make a positive change. It’s nice to have a benchmark, and to see how far you’ve come over the past year, but most New Year’s resolutions are forgotten before the end of January.

Instead of creating a laundry list of improvements, I have decided to live each moment as it comes along. That way, if I need to make any changes, I don’t have to wait an entire year.

Right now is the perfect moment to be kinder. If, in the next moment, I fail to be kind, then there will be a moment right afterward during which I can change.

We can all make the changes we desire, in this instant. We don’t have to wait for a new year, or a new month, or a new day. There is a new moment coming along shortly. In that moment, you can choose to be exactly what you’d like.

If there is something you wish to change, then change it now. You have an opportunity to be exactly what you want, to live the exact life that reflects your values, your goals and your desires.

If in any particular moment, your thoughts, words or deeds don’t reflect who you really want to be, then you can change in an instant.

Our lives are meant to be lived as a reflection of who we really are and who we were created to be. When we live in such a way that magnifies who we are, we are filled with energy, joy and passion.

Too often, our lives are bereft of meaning, and we wonder why. I would suggest it is because we have lost sight of our purpose. We have lost sight of our passion. We have lost sight of the fire that burns inside.

Rather than try to change a long list of things during this new year, how about if we choose to embrace ourselves and live authentically?

It doesn’t take a lot of work. All it takes is a decision, a simple decision to listen to your heart, trust your gut and do what you know is right.

Once you begin living a life infused with joy and passion, you won’t ever want to look back.

Namaste, friends

Imagine my surprise when I woke up, only to discover that life is not a bed of roses. Life is more like a messy teenager who spends the night, steals all the covers and throws them on the floor when she gets too hot.

At least, that is what my life is like. Just when I think I’ve got everything figured out and think it’s smooth sailing ahead, suddenly a tempest breaks, the sails collapse and I am dead in the water, overcome by the enormity of the waves.

Okay. I realize in retrospect that the description seems a little overdone. It’s not all doom and gloom from where I sit, but sometimes life is hard.

We all have those moments when we feel like we are down and getting kicked in the teeth. Who among us has not felt overcome by the enormity of life?

And for me the question is, how do we pick ourselves up and carry on? Where does the patience to persevere through life’s trials come from, and how do we tap into that when we have reached our last nerve?

I remember standing in line at a “fast” food restaurant back when my children were small. I was very pregnant. And by that, I mean I was as large as a house. Holding a crying toddler on one hip, taking orders from my teen-aged kids on either side, and balancing as another crying child tugged on my leg, I prayed for patience. Impatient people glared all around me, not only because of the swirl of noise encompassing me, but also because of the delay, as grim-faced cashiers seemed to take extra long to prepare food, and the orders seemed extra complicated.

It was in that instant of chaos, that I had an epiphany.

We do not magically receive patience. It is in those moments of utter pandemonium, deep depression, or sheer desperation that we have a choice. We can choose to respond to our circumstances with criticism, anger and outrage, or we can choose patience.

This applies to myriad life circumstances, not just standing in line, surrounded by screaming children. Frustration happens every day. Coworkers can be annoying (except, of course, my own coworkers, who exhibit unusual patience with my idiosyncrasies). Traffic lights, bad drivers, and icy roads can irritate. In any given day, most of us are faced with a litany of challenges to our peace of mind.

It is in these moments, when we are tempted to be least patient, that our request for patience is actually answered. We are patient because we choose to be. We endure because we choose to continue putting one foot ahead of the other. We persevere through trials because that is what we choose to do.

It is not easy to choose patience, but it is still a decision you can make consciously. When faced with those things that cause you to grind your teeth, try taking a deep breath. You don’t have to get all ‘Zen’, as I do, but you can breathe deeply. And just for a moment, try to see things differently.

Those kids aren’t screaming just to annoy you. Unless they are, in which case, they are still screaming and you can still practice patience. Your coworker isn’t chewing ice just to be irritating, maybe she feels tense and chewing ice helps her feel less stressed. The traffic didn’t change deliberately to make you late.

None of what’s happening around you has anything to do with you. And when you accept that things happen regardless of your peace of mind, you can choose to be patient.

We can all be patient. We can all persevere. We can all endure. What it takes is a decision, followed by one step.

One step at a time, we will all get through to the end.

Namaste, friends

Busy as a Bee

Just a Thought

By Deborah Demander

Everyone I meet has a busy life. It seems like everyone is bustling around working, volunteering, and running non-stop.

Most days, I’m up by 5 a.m. and I don’t stop running until after 10 p.m. I’m not complaining, just noticing that everyone around me is as busy as I am.

At an early morning breakfast meeting, I asked a friend how he was doing.

“I’m really busy,” he replied. “Sometimes I wonder if every day is going to be a grind for the rest of my life.”

I agreed with him, but as I thought about it later, I realized that life doesn’t have to be a grind. We all have choices. We choose where to work, where to live, who to marry, what church to attend, what activities to be involved in.

Everything in your life is there as a result of choices you have made. If you don’t like where you are or what you’re doing, make a different decision. The effects of a decision stay in place until you make a different decision.

If you have made a decision and find that you don’t like where its taking you, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate.

I like having a busy life. I enjoy volunteering my time to make the community a better place, and I like my work, which generally casts me far and wide throughout the region. Last Wednesday found me driving to Kemmerer for an early morning meeting with the Governor,  attending the Kemmerer Rotary Club meeting, then driving like a crazy woman down the interstate in my Subaru (yes, the same pig-mobile) to attend another meeting with the Governor and Uinta County officials. Once that was finished, I took pictures of an event in town, then attended a parking meeting.

But I didn’t complain, because I like to be busy. Well. I may have complained a little the next morning when my alarm went off, but overall it was a fun day. If I didn’t like to be busy, I would do something else.

Many people, when I ask how they are doing, reply with a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes, “I’m sooo busy.”

We are all busy. If you don’t like being busy, do something different. It is okay to say no to things you don’t want to do, or things that don’t match your priorities. We often loose sight of what is important in our lives, and fill our days with things we hate doing.

Stop. Don’t fill your life with things you don’t like. Life is too short to be dismal. Your day ought to be an outward expression of who you really are. If your activities don’t accurately reflect who you are, then do something different. Life is a series of choices. Choose who you will be and how you will represent yourself by the activities you participate in and the people you surround yourself with.

If those things aren’t an accurate representation, then change them.

I know. Change is hard. We all have decisions to make about the kind of life we want to have. You can decide today who you want to be, what you want to do, and what you want to have.

If you don’t want to be busy, then do something else. Say no. Stay home. Relax. There are lots of people out there willing to step in and fill the void. Although change is difficult, it’s not as hard as living a disingenuous life.

Any decision you made can be changed. You don’t have to do something drastic, such as quit your job, but you can look first for smaller changes that feel better, and more in line with your priorities. Sometimes a small shift is all it takes to feel better about life.

Deborah, in Hebrew, means bee. I like to stay busy, like the bees in the garden working. But bees still take time to smell the flowers.

When you are inundated with work and activity, don’t get frustrated. Enjoy. And if you don’t enjoy, then stop and do something else. And whatever you are doing, wherever you are, take a hint from the bees, and pause in your busyness to smell the flowers.

Namaste friends

I often wonder, what difference does it all make anyway? What difference if we go to work, if we raise our kids right, or go to church? What’s the difference if we are nice, mean, angry or kind? Does it even matter? Does anyone even notice?

Actually, your life makes a huge difference to the people around you.

Each one of us has the power to change the world, even if it’s just our own small corner. To change the world takes only small acts of a large number of people. It is possible to make a difference wherever you find yourself. You can leave your corner of the world better than you found it, and in that way, you make a difference.

Begin by making a positive change in yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just a small positive change will have a ripple effect as it moves outward to those around you. You can decide to eat a healthy breakfast, or to drink one less cup of coffee, or walk an extra lap around the block. Positive change doesn’t have to be huge.

Another way to have a positive impact on those around you is to come from a place of love. When you are tempted to be judgmental, angry or harsh, take just a moment and reflect on the person before you. They are probably doing the best they can, at this moment in their life, just as you are. Take a deep breath and accept that whatever they have said or done has nothing to do with you, and is simply a reflection of where they are. Without saying anything, you can mentally extend feelings of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. While you don’t have to like everyone you meet, you can still be kind and accepting of who they really are. In that small way, you will make a difference to them.

Kindness goes a long way toward making a difference and changing the world. If you start with being kind to yourself, the ripple effect will again move outward, affecting those around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Simply do your best, and move forward. There is no need to berate or condemn yourself. Be kind and keep moving on.

Another way to make a difference in the world is to just show up. Be where you are. You might not like the place you find yourself, but if you show up to your day with a commitment to doing your best and extending kindness, you can change your world.

Show up every day. Do your best. Eventually you will find that you are changing not only yourself, but those around you as well. Show up and show those around you how much you care about them and about their lives. People want to be noticed. They want a chance to tell you about themselves. Just show up. Sometimes you don’t have to do anything more.

You are making a difference today to every person you meet. Show up and do your best. Extend kindness and forgiveness. Even if no one ever notices, your own life will be greatly enriched. And don’t forget to smile.

Namaste, friends

Life is short. And then you die. Many of us fear death, but there is something much greater we should fear every day of our lives.

Fearing death is futile. It creeps upon you, unawares, snatching life when least expected. And even when you are expecting it, or wanting it, or longing for it, death still shocks those left behind.

We fear the unknown. We fear what we cannot control. We fear being all alone. Yet the specter of death comes for each of us, ready or not.

My job requires me to type up obituaries for the newspaper. Sometimes this job is rewarding, as in the case of Thelma Davis, who passed away after living 105 years. She touched countless lives, and leaves a legacy that will continue for generations.

At the other end of the spectrum, I was grieved to write the obituary for the niece of a friend. She lived only hours. Her tiny life was cut short, for reasons we will never know.

And between the two, the death of a young man in the prime of his life saddened and dismayed me. The sudden and abrupt snatching away of these three left me wondering, what could be worse than death?

What greater fear ought we face?

Whether your life lasts only hours, or stretches beyond a century, living a life without meaning is the most tragic thing of all. Wasting this precious gift ought to be our greatest fear.

Each one of us has only a short time here. The time may be really short, or it may be relatively short, but we have just a blip to make our mark. Whether we are given hours, decades or longer, when posted against the vastness of eternity, time is fleeting.

You are here for a purpose. You will not always be here. At some point in the future, your friends, family and acquaintances will be mourning the loss of your life. Between the time you are born and the time you pass on, you have a chance to make a difference. You can choose to impact other people in a positive manner, and leave a lasting impact, or you can choose to live in isolation, squandering your gifts until the end.

No matter how long your life, you can discover your purpose and live with intent. Creating a life of meaning, purpose and beauty starts first with your intent. Decide how you want to live, who you want to be and what you want to create.

Every moment you are here, let your life be an expression of your greatest desire. Don’t wait to make a difference. Today is the day. Now is the time. Seize the moment and let your life be a great expression of who you really are.

Every thought, every word, every deed can make a positive impact. You have such a short time to be who you were created to be. It is so easy to say, “When my kids grow up, then I will…”, or “When I lose weight, then I will…”, or “When I retire, then I will…”

There is no time to waste. Someday will always be out there. Today is here now. Take one step in the direction of your dreams, even if it is only a tiny step.

The hour is at hand. Once the moment has passed, there can be no recovering what was lost. Now is the time to live the life you are here for.

Once you are dead, it will be too late to make a lasting impact. Begin creating that life today. You never know when it will end.

Namaste, friends.

The New Year is upon us, replete with promises that we will try harder, do better, be more this and less that. How often do we each face the fresh new calendar and promise ourselves that this year will be different?

I know I’ve made my share of resolutions in the past. I usually resolve to lose weight, to get up earlier, to be nicer, to stop swearing, save more money, give more to others…

The list goes on and on. The first week of the New Year usually finds me sleep deprived and hungry, swearing like a sailor and exhausted from the effort of trying to remember everything that I promised myself I would do.

This year, however, will be different.

I am not resolving to be more or less of anything for the entire year. Instead, I am choosing in each moment to be the person that I want to be. As I walk through my day, I will examine my thoughts, words and actions and I will ask myself, “Is this who I want to be?”

If the answer is no, then I hope to stop midstream and change course. It is never too late to change, and now is the perfect moment to be exactly what you’d like to be.

This, of course, is easier said than done. This weekend, I got a trial run when I drove the kids to Park City for a movie and some shopping. First of all, there were about a million people in Park City for Olympic trials. But, I wasn’t going to let a little California traffic ruin my Zen mood. I don’t know how they learn to drive in California, but after being cut off half a dozen times, I silently blessed each driver, hoping their day was brighter after nearly killing me.

Then, at the movie theater, the guy selling tickets said, “There is no showing of  “The Hobbit” at 1 p.m. The internet was wrong.”

Fortunately, I didn’t have to open up a can of crazy on him, because the people in line ahead of me did. I stood by serenely, watching the tourists go bananas. Coincidentally, they decided to show “The Hobbit” at 1 p.m.

I wasn’t fazed when I chose the slowest popcorn line, nor was I perturbed when the clerk dropped my giant cup of diet coke on the floor. When the popcorn burned, because the kid was cleaning up the diet coke, the guy behind me muttered, “I’m not eating burned popcorn.”

I peacefully replied, “I like burned popcorn.”

Surprised he said, “Really? You like that?”

“No”, I answered from my happy place, “I just tell myself I do, so I won’t hate it.”

He looked at me as though I were some crazy hippy chick. As if.

All was well until the car ride home. And then, after an hour in the car, two hours in the theater, and a ride back to Wyoming, my kids opened up a can of crazy on me. They started poking, prodding, arguing, whining, and making the trip as miserable as possible.

And the drivers tailgating the entire way did not help my irritation.

I tried talking nicely. I tried distracting them with conversation.

Me: “Wasn’t that a great movie?”

Gunnar (with his headphones turned up all the way): “WHAT?!”

Lexi (jabbing him in the ribs): “Be in the present Gunnar. Mom isn’t going to keep repeating herself.”

Gunnar (louder): “WHAT??!!”

Lexi (yelling): “I SAID, BE IN THE PRESENT. We aren’t going to keep going to the past just because you aren’t listening.”

Gunnar: “WHAT?”

And so it continued for an hour. By the time we reached Evanston, my Zen was gone, my irritation had peaked and my jaw was clenched tight with the effort of not screaming like an insane woman.

Life can be trying. Most days, especially during Christmas vacation, we are challenged from all sides.

We don’t have to resolve to be better parents, to stop yelling, or even to lose weight. We don’t have to commit for a whole year. It just takes a decision in the moment to have things be different. And in some moments, that might take a little longer.

The good news is we always get a chance to start again. We don’t have to wait for a new year, a new week or a new day. We can start today, being the person we want to be.

So, when the kids are yelling, the dogs are barking and the fudge is calling your name, take just a moment to breathe deeply. Pause. Wait. And then be the person you really want to be.

Happy New Year and Namaste, Friends

Most of us will never do great things. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean you aren’t great. You are. I appreciate you. What I mean to say is that most of us will never do that one great thing.

Unfortunately, we put off living, because of that one elusive great thing. Can’t cure cancer? Well, I guess I won’t be a doctor then. Can’t change lives? Then forget teaching. If I can’t get straight A’s, then I might as well not bother with college. I suppose you get the gist. It seems easier to give up, than to be less than great. The perfectionist tendency has led to the abrupt ending of a lot of small things.

Although you are capable of great things, real life is lived amid the small things, and it is those things we can do well.

As we look at our lives, it can become discouraging and disheartening to realize that great things will eternally elude us. What I have discovered, and want to pass on to you, is that each and every one of us can do small things with great love.

Now, don’t roll your eyes. It’s true. Small things surround us on a daily basis. Our lives are defined by the small things we do each day. When you add love to those small things, they become, dare I say, great. Each act can be infused with a great deal of kindness and love. Every act done with intention becomes great in itself.

You don’t have to change the world. It is enough to change where you are. Serve those around you with kindness. Extend forgiveness instead of harshness. Small things done with kindness make a difference in every life.

I’ll share a recent experience to illustrate the power of intention, or the lack thereof.

A friend and I went to lunch together. As we entered the establishment, the person behind the counter was shouting to or at a person in the back.

She didn’t acknowledge us or greet us. She continued her loud, angry conversation and headed toward the back.

When she finally came out, she demanded to know what we wanted. I sheepishly placed my order, feeling like an intruder into a private conversation. The air was alive with their negative energy.

As we found our seats, I said, “I hope that angry girl isn’t making our food.”  Alas and alack. It was meant to be. The angry energy that permeated the restaurant found its way into my lunch, as the girl threw the ingredients together.

I always enjoy the food I eat at this particular restaurant. It is usually pretty tasty. This time, however, I had the worst meal I have ever eaten there. It was bland and tasteless. Although I order the same thing every time I go there, this time was different. It tasted different. And it sat in my stomach all day, a constant reminder of someone else’s anger.

A study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that physical events are influenced by the intentions of those involved.

When you set about your daily tasks, filling yourself with good intentions, or good energy will not only benefit you, but it will also benefit those you serve.

Mother Teresa said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

The small things you accomplish with great love reflect in your life to magnify and lighten it. Life is lived in the small moments, done with love.

Namaste, friends

Everything always changes. Just when you think you have everything exactly the way you want it, something in life changes.

There are major life changes that impact us so deeply we feel as though we might never recover. The death of a loved one, a cancer diagnosis, even the birth of a child: these changes strike into the very core of our being. We wonder if life will ever be the same again.

The answer is no. It will not.

I remember the birth of my first child. The pain was dreadful enough, but nothing compared to my confusion when they handed me my beautiful daughter and sent me home. I was baffled that responsible adults would send me home and expect that I could care for another person. Having just turned 18, I felt like I knew a lot, but this was too new and too difficult. I cried for the nurse to come home with me, and she laughed. Outside the hospital, life continued for everyone else. The world, for me, had been shaken to its very core. And while my life did continue, it was never the same again.

When America was attacked on September 11, I once again felt shaken to the depths of my being. I had only just come home from the hospital with another new baby. This one, however, was number seven, and I felt much more capable of ensuring her survival. Until the towers fell.

In that moment, I wondered if I could, indeed, ensure the survival of this helpless infant. I wondered if I could ever laugh again. I wondered if life would ever go on the way it had been.

The answer again, was no. Life changed for all of us on that day. Although we might not think about it every day, we have changed as a nation.

So too, the death of a loved one brings that sudden, soul searching query. Will things ever be the same? No. They will not.

When my sister died from cancer, I wondered how I could ever live without her. How could I go a single day not missing her? How could life go on?

Life does carry on, through the inevitable changes. We survive change. We grow from change. Although things are never the same as they once were, they do continue. Life continues.

The truth is that life goes on. Although it seems blithe and harsh in the midst of tragedy, it can also offer hope. Things will get better. The outlook will improve. Change will continue, and life will go on.

Change occurs, whether for better or worse. One moment you are up and the next you’re down. The key to life is to adapt to inevitable change. Don’t judge it as good or bad. Just realize that things change and deal with each in its own moment.

Weeping may endure for a night, as the bible says, but joy comes in the morning. Though you may feel overwrought by the changes in your life in this present moment, be assured that this too shall pass.

Nothing lasts forever. This is both the blessing and the curse of life. The joy and the pain will each pass away in due time. Whatever circumstance you find yourself, search deeply inside for contentment. That is the secret to true happiness.

Everything changes. It is up to you to determine how you will handle the tide when it turns.

Namaste, friends