The pig experience came to an exhilarating close last week, when my three youngest children finally showed and sold their pigs.

Back in the spring, we decided to raise pigs for 4-H. You may remember my recounting Spider Pig’s journey to the farm, in the back of my Subaru. It turns out, pigs don’t travel well in cars.

After a long summer of feeding, weighing, and worming pigs, fair week finally arrived.

I thought I knew a lot about pigs, up to that point, but fair week taught me how much I still don’t know.

It started with getting the pigs back to the fair grounds. When they were cute little 97-pound piglets, they could be easily hefted into the trailer, for transport to the farm.

By last week, the pigs were each pushing the 300 pound weight limit. Loading them onto the trailer was no easy task. When a 300-pound pig charges at a 97-pound girl, if she’s learned anything at all over the summer, she jumps out of the way.

My good-natured friend cheerfully herded the pigs toward the trailer, and the kids began closing in on the pigs, trying to coax them into the trailer. As one pig reluctantly climbed the ramp, another pig in the trailer saw his chance to escape. He bolted between legs, knocked down children and fled to the safety of the mud lake at the far edge of the pen. The pigs learned early on that no children would venture into the muddy morass. It was a refuge of cool water for the pigs whenever we came to weigh the pigs. Finally, after more pigs had escaped than were on the trailer, someone grabbed a few scraps of bread. The food tempted the pigs  back onto the trailer.

Once the pigs were at the fairgrounds, they had to be bathed and shaved. Once again, I found myself asking, “Who knew?”

 Someone seriously suggested we bathe the pigs in buttermilk, to soften their skin.

Pigs enjoy being bathed and shaved less than they enjoy being herded onto a trailer. After a lot of screaming, by children and pigs, the animals were clean and ready to be judged. By the time it was over, everyone was exhausted. And this was only day one.

Judgment day came on Tuesday. As I pulled into the parking lot, Gunnar bolted out to the Jeep.

“Mom! Come quick! Sissy is crying,” and with that, he ran off, expecting me to follow.

Upon entering the swine barn, I encountered a sobbing teenaged daughter, who had apparently tripped over her pig, Bill, and had chipped her tooth on the stock fence.

I wrapped my arms around Samantha and tried to soothe her crying. She was on deck to show her pig, and her agitation was clearly upsetting Bill.

I stroked her hair, “Calm down. Take a deep breath. You’re upsetting the pig.”

I chuckled as I heard myself say that. Upset the pig? It reminded me of an old saying, “Never try to teach a pig to sing. You waste your time and you upset the pig.” Although we were not trying to teach Bill to sing, he was growing more and more agitated with the chaos around him.

 Samantha showed me her tooth, broken neatly in half at a sharp angle. I stifled a surprised gasp. It was awful. I could see why she was crying so hard.

When the judges called her name, she took a deep breath, swallowed the remainder of her tears, and marched Bill down the walkway to the show ring.

I felt a lump rise in my throat as I watched my daughter put on a brave smile and lead her pig around the ring. What a great kid.

At the end of the day, Samantha and Bill placed third overall, out of a couple hundred pigs, and Samantha learned a valuable lesson about pulling your stuff together in the middle of a crisis and doing your best.

By the time Friday rolled around, the kids and the pigs were all sick of the fairgrounds. The air was electric with anticipation when the stock show began.

Chickens. Rabbits. Lambs. Steer. Pigs. Finally, the Demander kids headed into the sale ring, near the end of the auction. Having never participated before, we still had a few lessons to learn.

Apparently, the kids are supposed to present a gift to the buyers of their livestock. Who knew? Let me just say, to Wendell Fraughton, Don Pedro, and Alta Construction, “Your gifts are on their way. And thank-you.”

Without a lot of further ado, the pigs were sold. The kids were happy until Saturday, when they went to clean up the remnants of the project.

There, alone, stood Bill.

Samantha ran to her pig, wondering if he had been forgotten.

We headed to the fair office, and were reassured that Bill’s buyer would certainly be back, likely soon, to retrieve his pig.

As we headed out to the barn, Don Pedro pulled in to claim his pig.

Hating good-byes, Samantha left so she wouldn’t have to see Bill, loaded into one more trailer, for one more trip away from the fair grounds.

We laughed. We cried. We raised some pigs. When it was all said and done, there were some lessons that I’d like to pass on for all of you:

Never, ever, ever give a pig a ride in your car.

Pigs, like the rest of us, enjoy a kind word and a good snack.

Nothing beats a good back scratch.

You can always do your best, even when things around you are falling apart.

Namaste, friends.

I often wonder if my kids ever listen to what I say. My lengthy lectures are usually met with rolled eyes. My angry outbursts bring glares of disapproval. When I try to share life lessons, I find my kids dozing in the back seat, lolled to a peaceful nap by the droning of my voice.

Occasionally, however, I am surprised by the wisdom of my children. In a fit of sorrow, as I cried inconsolably, my daughter patted my back and said, “Don’t worry mom, everything always works out.”

Although I continued crying, I was touched to hear my own words coming back to haunt me. Funny, they seem so much more conciliatory when I’m saying them, rather than receiving them.

My son recently began moving his Lego’s to our garage attic. He had previously used a small empty room in our basement for his Lego City, but found the confines of the room to be too containing. Often I would find myself tripping in the dark over helicopters, fire trucks and villains forgotten in the hallway.

During a momentary epiphany, I realized that we have an entire attic over our garage, mostly unused. There are a few boxes of Christmas decorations and some camping gear, but the bulk of space sits unused.

The older girls decided to make a craft room out of part of the attic, and hauled up tables, stickers, and craft supplies of all sorts. I think they finally realized that I am no help when it comes to things of a crafty nature, so they decided to find a place where I wouldn’t constantly hover over them, asking irrelevant “mom” questions.

Gunnar decided to recreate his Lego City in the attic, and to help him out, I swept all the Lego’s into a box. Much to Gunnar’s dismay, not all of his creations survived the sweeping.

I admit to being a little overly zealous in my endeavor. I am thrilled to get the Lego’s out of the hallway. I may have swept them just a little more vigorously than necessary. Some of the Lego creations may have come apart as I tossed them carelessly into the box. I’m not sure that had anything to do with it, but I am admitting to my part in the destruction of Lego City.

When Gunnar discovered his millions of Lego’s thrown haplessly into a plastic storage bin, he was less than enthusiastic about my help. He stormed out to the garage, insisting that he could get the work done himself.

About an hour later, he came into the kitchen, looking somewhat abashed.

He told me he was pretty mad when he found all his stuff broken. And he tried to devise a pulley system to pull the enormous box of toys up the attic stairs. As he hoisted the box overhead, he watched in alarm as it began to slant. Then, the box crashed to the ground, thousands of Lego’s covering the garage floor.

Gunnar said, “I was so mad when all my stuff broke. Then I thought that everything happens for a reason. So I figured I could make a bigger and better Lego City in the garage.”

With that, he happily bounded back out to the garage to begin the daunting task of sweeping up thousands of Lego’s.

I stood in wonder at the brief conversation. My eleven-year old son just repeated and applied something I preach to my kids every day. And he applied it much more quickly and cheerfully than I ever have.

Everything does happen for a reason. Whether it’s Lego’s crashing to the ground, a car breaking down, or your sweetheart breaking your heart. It is a waste of time to ask ‘why’ something happens. Instead, like Gunnar, ask yourself what you are going to create out of the situation.

You can’t control everything that happens in life. What you can control is your own response to situations. Your response is your responsibility. What can you make of the things that life throws your way?

Try looking for opportunity in the situations facing you. You might just find yourself with the biggest and best Lego City ever created.

Namaste, friends.

I often wonder, what difference does it all make anyway? What difference if we go to work, if we raise our kids right, or go to church? What’s the difference if we are nice, mean, angry or kind? Does it even matter? Does anyone even notice?

Actually, your life makes a huge difference to the people around you.

Each one of us has the power to change the world, even if it’s just our own small corner. To change the world takes only small acts of a large number of people. It is possible to make a difference wherever you find yourself. You can leave your corner of the world better than you found it, and in that way, you make a difference.

Begin by making a positive change in yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just a small positive change will have a ripple effect as it moves outward to those around you. You can decide to eat a healthy breakfast, or to drink one less cup of coffee, or walk an extra lap around the block. Positive change doesn’t have to be huge.

Another way to have a positive impact on those around you is to come from a place of love. When you are tempted to be judgmental, angry or harsh, take just a moment and reflect on the person before you. They are probably doing the best they can, at this moment in their life, just as you are. Take a deep breath and accept that whatever they have said or done has nothing to do with you, and is simply a reflection of where they are. Without saying anything, you can mentally extend feelings of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. While you don’t have to like everyone you meet, you can still be kind and accepting of who they really are. In that small way, you will make a difference to them.

Kindness goes a long way toward making a difference and changing the world. If you start with being kind to yourself, the ripple effect will again move outward, affecting those around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Simply do your best, and move forward. There is no need to berate or condemn yourself. Be kind and keep moving on.

Another way to make a difference in the world is to just show up. Be where you are. You might not like the place you find yourself, but if you show up to your day with a commitment to doing your best and extending kindness, you can change your world.

Show up every day. Do your best. Eventually you will find that you are changing not only yourself, but those around you as well. Show up and show those around you how much you care about them and about their lives. People want to be noticed. They want a chance to tell you about themselves. Just show up. Sometimes you don’t have to do anything more.

You are making a difference today to every person you meet. Show up and do your best. Extend kindness and forgiveness. Even if no one ever notices, your own life will be greatly enriched. And don’t forget to smile.

Namaste, friends

I have always expressed a fondness for the quiet spaces between the notes. The interlude. Not only in music, but also in life the calm between moments of frenzied activity offers a chance to breathe and take in the beauty of life.

And now, I am enjoying an interlude of my own. Some of you may have noticed that I am no longer with Evanston’s radio station, Cook Brother’s Broadcasting. And some of you may have never noticed that I left the Uinta County Herald. Let me bring you up to date, and share a little of what’s happening in my life.

I enjoyed working at the Herald for nearly two years. Then, an exciting opportunity opened up for me at K-9 and KADQ radio stations. While working at the newspaper offered me a chance to hone my writing skills, and meet many wonderful community members, the radio station offered a chance to develop some different skill sets. Both environments were fun, challenging, and not without their own different stresses.

I have always been a writer. From my youngest days as a middle school student, the burning desire to create with the written word has always been with me. About ten years ago, I felt inspired to write a book about marriage. The actual writing of the book took only about a month of concerted effort. And then, like many other well-intentioned ideas, it sat on the wayside while life interrupted my plans.

Following many life changes, including moving to Evanston and working at the aforementioned jobs, I felt the time had come for me to complete that long ago abandoned project. I decided at the end of April that to really finish my book and get started on other books that have been churning in my head, I would need to focus my attention and intention on that goal.

After leaving the radio station at the end of April, I completed the long-delayed process of writing my first book. On May 10, 2013, The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex was published on Amazon.

Don’t get too bent out of shape now. It is a book about marriage, with a catchy title. Books live and die by their covers and by their titles. The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex is not of the 50 Shades of Gray genre of books. Rather, it is designed to improve your marriage, no matter how long you’ve been married.

In addition, I am currently working on two more non-fiction books, The Married Girls Guide to Daily Devotion, and The Married Girls Guide to Practical Spirituality. I anticipate both of those books will be available by the end of the year. I am also writing a fictitious work, which seems to grow by the day and take on a life of its own.

While I’m not on the radio, nor in the newspaper, you can still find my work in the Market Mailer, on my website, deborahdemander.com, and of course on Amazon.

In addition, I offer motivational seminars, not only on my book, but on a variety of other topics.

I look forward to seeing or hearing from you.

Namaste Friends.

Some days, it’s hard to keep focused. While at work, the Internet is a veritable smorgasbord of fascinating information. Some of it is even useful. At home, the multi-tasking gene kicks into high gear as homework jostles with housework, vying for attention.

 I read a book recently that suggested that the answer to interruptions in our tightly scheduled days might be a godsend. A godsend is defined as a very helpful or useful person or event. And I am here to agree that interruptions can be divinely inspired.

It’s all a matter of perspective. When facing a tight deadline, frustration mounts as the minutes tick by. Each moment is precious when you are hard pressed for time, and those ill timed phone calls, emails, and even visitors into your life can be time consuming and task-disorienting. 

It doesn’t take much to get me off task: a talky news story about a celebrity pregnancy; an email from a good friend; Facebook. The list of distractions is lengthy and it takes a great deal of will power to get work done. Even as I write, my mind is dancing back and forth between writing, reading news stories, and hearing about the next Sunday Night Football opening number. And what has Tiger been up to these days?

The book I mentioned, before getting myself distracted, suggests that every interruption in your day be treated as a special message for you, directly from the Universe. When a friend called about having coffee this morning, my first thought was, “I don’t have time today. I have so much work to do.”

But I agreed to meet, thinking back to my book and divine appointments. Perhaps there was a reason to meet with this friend, other than coffee.

We shared coffee and conversation. And as we were leaving, he suggested taking our dogs for a walk. And I mentioned that one of our dogs had jumped out of the back of our truck nearly two weeks ago. Walking out of the coffee shop, he asked what kind of dog it was. 

“English Springer Spaniel.”

“I saw your dog! Sunday!”

I was shocked. “Two days ago Sunday, or ten days ago Sunday?”

 He said just two days ago he had seen the dog, near where we lost him. Charlie and I drove to the area, where we have searched in vain for hours, on foot and by car. We called and whistled. After a couple of hours, we decided to head back into town. 

And there, exhausted and disheartened stood Copper, by the side of the road. He was covered in mud and dust with little bits of blood mixed in, where he had gotten banged up. His snout was sore looking and raw, as if he had a run-in with an angry cactus. He just looked tired. Almost too tired to wag his stubby tail. He jumped into the car and howled his pleasure all the way home.

And I realized that meeting my friend was a divine appointment. God brings people into your life everyday. Sometimes they are strangers, with whom you exchange only a fleeting smile. Sometimes, the meeting involves the exchange of energy in some way. 

You have a choice with divine appointments. You can bury your head and refuse to learn the lessons people bring you. Or you can open your eyes, look around you, and embrace the divine appointments God has arranged for you today. 

Nothing is a waste of time, if you seek purpose. Everyone person you meet today has a gift or a lesson. Now, it is up to you to make the most of those encounters.

Namaste my friends.

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in life is to go with the flow. I know it sounds like a hippy mantra, something that a peacenik might mumble under his breath, as he blows a gray/blue stream of smoke from chapped lips, while raising a weathered hand in a peace sign. “Hey man, go with the flow.”

My lesson of learning to go with the flow began when I was a bit younger and staunchly rigid in my thinking. There were no hippy days for my, but there was plenty of time to learn lessons. I'll admit to being something of a control freak. It could even be a mild case of OCD, as some of my children suggest. Things like arranging my M&M's by color before eating them. And hanging my shirts by color, then by sleeve length in my closet. It's not so much that I'm controlling. I just like things to be orderly.

During a time in my life, I had a mentor whose job was to teach me to be a self-sufficient parent, who could support six children by myself. And she knew my story, my insecurities, my challenges, all the intimate details of life that I'm not comfortable sharing with just anyone. And then she retired. Before I was anywhere near self-sufficient. And the project introduced me to my new mentor, Beth Rosen. A beautiful, young woman shining with energy. She literally glowed like an angel. I took an immediate disliking to her. How could such a young, beautiful creature possibly offer any insight into my complex life, I wondered. Well, over the course of a couple of years, I learned how wrong I was.

Not only was Beth beautiful, and insightful, but she was very kind and patient, gently working with me, until I began to trust her. And one day, she quoted from a book she was reading, as I was trying to figure out the course of my life. She told me that it is easier to float downstream than to fight against the current.

I looked at her a moment, awakened by her insight. It actually is much easier to float downstream. And that brings me back to going with the flow. Surrendering yourself to what is. To many, including myself, this surrendering might appear to be giving up. Really, you are giving up. Giving up control over those things you can't control.

I will always be indebted to Beth, for much more than just that simple phrase, but that phrase about floating downstream was so profound for me, that it changed my entire way of thinking. Going with the flow doesn't imply giving up. Rather it is an acknowledgment that we do not and can not control everything in our lives.

Much as we'd like to, there are certain things we can't change, no matter how hard we try to row the boat upstream. I have another friend, who reminds people not to complain about the weather. In fact, it is a pet peeve for her, when people begin griping about the weather. Why complain? It's not as if God would suddenly say, “Oh. You don't like the snow and the wind? So sorry. Let me change that to sunshine and 75 degrees.” Of course that would be nice, but it's not happening.

What does happen, when we get frustrated or angry or irritated by things that don't matter, and thing we can't change, is we spend our time frustrated, angry and irritated. Instead of giving your emotions over to irritation, accept that there are certain things over which we have no control. And that is okay.

When you feel yourself getting frustrated by a situation, or by the weather, or by an interruption, take a deep breath. Hold it for a moment. Now, as you breathe out, smile. That is all. Just smile. Breathing in, feel peaceful, breathing out, smile. With that simple exercise, you can release your irritation, and get back to enjoying the flow of life.

Simple breathing isn't the only thing you can do, to avoid irritation, but it helps. Another thing to do is notice your anger. As you feel that frustration building, take a moment and become aware of it. Step outside of your head and ask, “Why am I so irritated right now?”

What you may discover is that your irritation has nothing to do with the circumstances, and everything to do with you. Maybe you yelled at your kids again. And now you are mad at yourself for yelling, and you are mad at your spouse for not yelling, and suddenly people are upset all around you. Take a moment, go back to the beginning and examine what it is that made you so angry in the first place. Look at why you are angry. Is this something you can change, fix or control? No? Then let it go. And apologize to your family.

Most of what comes along each day to disrupt our peace is unavoidable. External factors will always be with us, and most of them will remain outside of our control. The important thing is to remember that you can see peace in any situation. You can take useful action, while still going with the flow.

Today is an opportunity for each one of us to see the beauty of the world around us. Take a moment, breathe in deeply, and for right now, go with the flow. You might discover the view is even better downstream.

Namaste my friends

I've often heard the phrase, “Think Globally, Act Locally”. I read the phrase recently again, and this time, I felt differently about it. To be honest, I've never given the phrase much thought. I've never “thought globally”, whatever that means.

The world is a big place, and I have enough trouble keeping up with my tiny corner of it, let alone concerning myself with global affairs. I once had aspirations that I could change the world. A much younger me looked at the world through my lens of self-importance and thought that I could make a difference.

Then real life set in, I had kids, a husband, work. Lots of things to bring my attention to a more realistic level. Somewhere along the way, I lost my idealism and my desire to change the world. I focused instead on getting through life, growing my kids into responsible, loving people, and just surviving. For many years, I didn't think about the world, accept to acknowledge the suffering and hurting happening all around me.

And one day I woke up. I realized that I can change my world. And you can change your world. And together, along with everyone else, we can change the world. Changing the world doesn't happen in one event, unless you're talking about an epic flood or earth shattering meteorite.

Changing the world happens through the daily devotion of common people, like you and me. Changing the world happens when each one of us decides that we can have a positive impact on people exactly where we are today.

Mother Teresa served the world, one person at a time. She said, “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” We can only change one person, that is ourselves. We can only serve, we can only extend love and forgiveness, we can only be kind to those who are right here, right now.

But understand, that in the realm of possibilities, extending kindness to one person today is enough to change the world. Being forgiving of someone's faults or shortcomings, or errors or unkindness is enough to change the world. You will change the world within yourself. You will influence their world.

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect describes a series of circumstances by which a small change in one place results in large differences to a later state, such as the occurrence of a hurricane being contingent on the flapping of a butterfly's wings in some distant location several weeks before.

Although the butterfly effect may seem esoteric and unlikely, such behavior is exhibited daily. A golf ball may roll down a slight incline directly into the hole, or in a completely different direction, depending on any number of factors. And the result of the golf ball missing the hole can set off a completely different set of events than if the ball had rolled into the hole.

It is the same with our lives. A simple act of kindness, a smile extended to an unhappy stranger, a gentle word spoken in a moment of anger, these all have the effect of a butterfly flapping its wings. Whose to say what effect your kindness will have on someone down the road today, tomorrow, or next week?

Even if your smile is met with a scowl, or your kindness met with sarcasm you have still changed the world. You have changed yourself with your kindness. You have released positive energy into the vast reaches of the universe, and it will come back to bless you. Aesop, of Aesop's fables said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted.”

You can change the world. You can change your world. And as you gently work to change your immediate surroundings, you might discover that your whole world has changed. As you extend the gifts of kindness and compassion, you will find others returning your gift. Your life will be filled with people who are kind, forgiving and compassionate.

The Dali Lama said, “My religion is simple. My religion is kindness.” I'm not asking you to change your religion. I am challenging you to change your world, with your kindness.

Namaste friends