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What Difference Does it Make?

3/14/2014

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I often wonder, what difference does it all make anyway? What difference if we go to work, if we raise our kids right, or go to church? What’s the difference if we are nice, mean, angry or kind? Does it even matter? Does anyone even notice?

Actually, your life makes a huge difference to the people around you.

Each one of us has the power to change the world, even if it’s just our own small corner. To change the world takes only small acts of a large number of people. It is possible to make a difference wherever you find yourself. You can leave your corner of the world better than you found it, and in that way, you make a difference.

Begin by making a positive change in yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just a small positive change will have a ripple effect as it moves outward to those around you. You can decide to eat a healthy breakfast, or to drink one less cup of coffee, or walk an extra lap around the block. Positive change doesn’t have to be huge.

Another way to have a positive impact on those around you is to come from a place of love. When you are tempted to be judgmental, angry or harsh, take just a moment and reflect on the person before you. They are probably doing the best they can, at this moment in their life, just as you are. Take a deep breath and accept that whatever they have said or done has nothing to do with you, and is simply a reflection of where they are. Without saying anything, you can mentally extend feelings of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. While you don’t have to like everyone you meet, you can still be kind and accepting of who they really are. In that small way, you will make a difference to them.

Kindness goes a long way toward making a difference and changing the world. If you start with being kind to yourself, the ripple effect will again move outward, affecting those around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Simply do your best, and move forward. There is no need to berate or condemn yourself. Be kind and keep moving on.

Another way to make a difference in the world is to just show up. Be where you are. You might not like the place you find yourself, but if you show up to your day with a commitment to doing your best and extending kindness, you can change your world.

Show up every day. Do your best. Eventually you will find that you are changing not only yourself, but those around you as well. Show up and show those around you how much you care about them and about their lives. People want to be noticed. They want a chance to tell you about themselves. Just show up. Sometimes you don’t have to do anything more.

You are making a difference today to every person you meet. Show up and do your best. Extend kindness and forgiveness. Even if no one ever notices, your own life will be greatly enriched. And don’t forget to smile.

Namaste, friends

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Divine Interruptions

5/5/2013

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Some days, it’s hard to keep focused. While at work, the Internet is a veritable smorgasbord of fascinating information. Some of it is even useful. At home, the multi-tasking gene kicks into high gear as homework jostles with housework, vying for attention.

 I read a book recently that suggested that the answer to interruptions in our tightly scheduled days might be a godsend. A godsend is defined as a very helpful or useful person or event. And I am here to agree that interruptions can be divinely inspired.

It’s all a matter of perspective. When facing a tight deadline, frustration mounts as the minutes tick by. Each moment is precious when you are hard pressed for time, and those ill timed phone calls, emails, and even visitors into your life can be time consuming and task-disorienting. 

It doesn’t take much to get me off task: a talky news story about a celebrity pregnancy; an email from a good friend; Facebook. The list of distractions is lengthy and it takes a great deal of will power to get work done. Even as I write, my mind is dancing back and forth between writing, reading news stories, and hearing about the next Sunday Night Football opening number. And what has Tiger been up to these days?

The book I mentioned, before getting myself distracted, suggests that every interruption in your day be treated as a special message for you, directly from the Universe. When a friend called about having coffee this morning, my first thought was, “I don’t have time today. I have so much work to do.”

But I agreed to meet, thinking back to my book and divine appointments. Perhaps there was a reason to meet with this friend, other than coffee.

We shared coffee and conversation. And as we were leaving, he suggested taking our dogs for a walk. And I mentioned that one of our dogs had jumped out of the back of our truck nearly two weeks ago. Walking out of the coffee shop, he asked what kind of dog it was. 

“English Springer Spaniel.”

“I saw your dog! Sunday!”

I was shocked. “Two days ago Sunday, or ten days ago Sunday?”

 He said just two days ago he had seen the dog, near where we lost him. Charlie and I drove to the area, where we have searched in vain for hours, on foot and by car. We called and whistled. After a couple of hours, we decided to head back into town. 

And there, exhausted and disheartened stood Copper, by the side of the road. He was covered in mud and dust with little bits of blood mixed in, where he had gotten banged up. His snout was sore looking and raw, as if he had a run-in with an angry cactus. He just looked tired. Almost too tired to wag his stubby tail. He jumped into the car and howled his pleasure all the way home.

And I realized that meeting my friend was a divine appointment. God brings people into your life everyday. Sometimes they are strangers, with whom you exchange only a fleeting smile. Sometimes, the meeting involves the exchange of energy in some way. 

You have a choice with divine appointments. You can bury your head and refuse to learn the lessons people bring you. Or you can open your eyes, look around you, and embrace the divine appointments God has arranged for you today. 

Nothing is a waste of time, if you seek purpose. Everyone person you meet today has a gift or a lesson. Now, it is up to you to make the most of those encounters.

Namaste my friends.
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What am I Doing Here?

4/9/2013

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What am I doing here? Here, in Evanston. Here, at this radio station. Here, as a mom. What is the point? As long as man has walked the planet, he has wondered abut a purpose.

Purpose was easy to find, in the cave man days. Eat or be eaten. Hunt or be hunted. When struggling for survival, the meaning of life takes on a different feeling. Survival imbues life with its own meaning. Staying warm, fed, clothed. These are the tasks of life.

But once those questions have been answered, and survival is assured, then once again we turn inward or outward or upward and wonder what the purpose is. Great thinkers have posed the question, and answered. Joseph Campbell said, “Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to ife. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.” So is the meaning of life to give your own life meaning?

Some Christian scholars believe the meaning of life is to love God and serve according to his purpose. What then is God's purpose? Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all you heart soul and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. So if we are loving God, and loving our neighbors, what does that look like?

For someone who studies the Tao, the meaning of life is to understand the profound unity of the universe and study a path that joins that unity rather than disturbing it.

Even those who follow no religious pursuit, who claim no ties to God, or Buddha, or Tao, even they search for a meaning to why we are here. Charles Darwin said simply, “We are here because we evolved.”

That simplistic answer leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. Darwin may be right about evolution, but he missed the mark on purpose. Not purposefully. He missed failed to consider the purpose behind our evolution.

Which brings me back to my question. What am I doing here? How can any one of us get through our life, without some idea of what we'd like to accomplish? I set out, early on, to be a doctor. I wanted to help people feel better, to help them be well. And somewhere along the way, I had eight children, and I lost sight of medical school.

For a long time I drifted. Basic survival became a necessity, and I put behind me those lofty goals of medical school, of changing the world, and of helping people feel better. I couldn't help myself. How could I possibly help anyone else? After spending many years in a fog of poverty and abuse, I awakened one day to realize that I could make life better for my children, and that became my purpose. Make life better for my kids.

Along the way, I made life better for myself. As I came out of my shell and emerged into the world, I realized that life can be better for everyone. We can each make life better for ourselves, and for those around us. We don't have to discover great meaning and purpose to our being here. We can start where we are and create purpose for our lives right here.

Wherever you are today, you can ascribe meaning to your life. Begin by forgiving yourself for whatever mistakes, faults, and shortcomings you perceive. Then, think about the people in your life. Your children, your spouse, your boss. And as you think of them, send thoughts of love, acceptance and forgiveness. Surround them with love. After you finish sending love to the people in your life, take a moment to think of the people in your life you don't particularly like. You're ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-friend, ex-boss. All those people who cause you to grind your teeth, clench your jaw and who cause anxiety to well up like acid from the pit of your stomach. Think of people who hurt you, whether intentionally or not. Think of the ones you dislike, distrust, and abhorr. Before you let the anxiety, fear and frustration overtake you, pause for just a moment. Under your breath say the words, “I forgive you.” Take a deep breath and let the forgiveness wash over you. This is not easy, but you will be okay.

Letting go of resentment is one of the hardest and best things we can do for ourselves. The only thing harder is to forgive yourself. The meaning I give to my life is to share love, peace and forgiveness with the people around me. We are all surrounded with people, whether we like it or not. We have families, work, friends. For me, I will share love and forgiveness with my husband, with my kids. With my friends, and with you.

The reason I am here is because I am exactly where I need to be. The reason you are there is because you are exactly where you need to be. Whatever challenges you face, whatever struggles you endure, these are the lessons for you today. Embrace them. Learn from them. And share love with the people you meet.

Namaste friends

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    Deborah Demander: Writer,
     Speaker, Motivator,
    Healer,
    Lover of Life 

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