I often wonder, what difference does it all make anyway? What difference if we go to work, if we raise our kids right, or go to church? What’s the difference if we are nice, mean, angry or kind? Does it even matter? Does anyone even notice?

Actually, your life makes a huge difference to the people around you.

Each one of us has the power to change the world, even if it’s just our own small corner. To change the world takes only small acts of a large number of people. It is possible to make a difference wherever you find yourself. You can leave your corner of the world better than you found it, and in that way, you make a difference.

Begin by making a positive change in yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just a small positive change will have a ripple effect as it moves outward to those around you. You can decide to eat a healthy breakfast, or to drink one less cup of coffee, or walk an extra lap around the block. Positive change doesn’t have to be huge.

Another way to have a positive impact on those around you is to come from a place of love. When you are tempted to be judgmental, angry or harsh, take just a moment and reflect on the person before you. They are probably doing the best they can, at this moment in their life, just as you are. Take a deep breath and accept that whatever they have said or done has nothing to do with you, and is simply a reflection of where they are. Without saying anything, you can mentally extend feelings of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. While you don’t have to like everyone you meet, you can still be kind and accepting of who they really are. In that small way, you will make a difference to them.

Kindness goes a long way toward making a difference and changing the world. If you start with being kind to yourself, the ripple effect will again move outward, affecting those around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Simply do your best, and move forward. There is no need to berate or condemn yourself. Be kind and keep moving on.

Another way to make a difference in the world is to just show up. Be where you are. You might not like the place you find yourself, but if you show up to your day with a commitment to doing your best and extending kindness, you can change your world.

Show up every day. Do your best. Eventually you will find that you are changing not only yourself, but those around you as well. Show up and show those around you how much you care about them and about their lives. People want to be noticed. They want a chance to tell you about themselves. Just show up. Sometimes you don’t have to do anything more.

You are making a difference today to every person you meet. Show up and do your best. Extend kindness and forgiveness. Even if no one ever notices, your own life will be greatly enriched. And don’t forget to smile.

Namaste, friends

I have always expressed a fondness for the quiet spaces between the notes. The interlude. Not only in music, but also in life the calm between moments of frenzied activity offers a chance to breathe and take in the beauty of life.

And now, I am enjoying an interlude of my own. Some of you may have noticed that I am no longer with Evanston’s radio station, Cook Brother’s Broadcasting. And some of you may have never noticed that I left the Uinta County Herald. Let me bring you up to date, and share a little of what’s happening in my life.

I enjoyed working at the Herald for nearly two years. Then, an exciting opportunity opened up for me at K-9 and KADQ radio stations. While working at the newspaper offered me a chance to hone my writing skills, and meet many wonderful community members, the radio station offered a chance to develop some different skill sets. Both environments were fun, challenging, and not without their own different stresses.

I have always been a writer. From my youngest days as a middle school student, the burning desire to create with the written word has always been with me. About ten years ago, I felt inspired to write a book about marriage. The actual writing of the book took only about a month of concerted effort. And then, like many other well-intentioned ideas, it sat on the wayside while life interrupted my plans.

Following many life changes, including moving to Evanston and working at the aforementioned jobs, I felt the time had come for me to complete that long ago abandoned project. I decided at the end of April that to really finish my book and get started on other books that have been churning in my head, I would need to focus my attention and intention on that goal.

After leaving the radio station at the end of April, I completed the long-delayed process of writing my first book. On May 10, 2013, The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex was published on Amazon.

Don’t get too bent out of shape now. It is a book about marriage, with a catchy title. Books live and die by their covers and by their titles. The Married Girls Guide to Great Sex is not of the 50 Shades of Gray genre of books. Rather, it is designed to improve your marriage, no matter how long you’ve been married.

In addition, I am currently working on two more non-fiction books, The Married Girls Guide to Daily Devotion, and The Married Girls Guide to Practical Spirituality. I anticipate both of those books will be available by the end of the year. I am also writing a fictitious work, which seems to grow by the day and take on a life of its own.

While I’m not on the radio, nor in the newspaper, you can still find my work in the Market Mailer, on my website, deborahdemander.com, and of course on Amazon.

In addition, I offer motivational seminars, not only on my book, but on a variety of other topics.

I look forward to seeing or hearing from you.

Namaste Friends.

One of the biggest challenges in my life is my mouth. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true. My report cards even from the first grade usually said the same thing: too talkative, chatters too much, talks in class, or any of a thousand variations on that theme.


I never thought I was talking too much. I always thought it was just the right amount. I wasn't trying to be disruptive. Well, I take that back. Sometimes I was deliberately being disruptive, but I promise, usually I just had something really important that couldn't wait.

Those of you who know me, are glad to see that things haven't changed much since I was six. Honestly, I have been vexed with my mouth. I have tried, as I've gotten older, to tame that snake, but it is a difficult task. As I grew older, and hopefully a little wiser, I learned that perhaps I am not alone in my struggle.

The bible contains a wealth of information about controlling your tongue, and even contemporary writers have spoken to the wisdom of guarding your mouth. Life and death are at our own command, with just the small tool or our mouth.

How many times have you spoken a harsh word or an unkind word to someone who didn't deserve it? Do you remember their surprised or stunned look, wondering how you could say such a thing? I have often wondered how I could say such things.

Many of us try to watch what we eat, controlling what goes into our mouth. It's not what goes into your mouth that show's who you are, and what control you have, it's what comes out of a man's mouth that reflects his heart. It is hard to hide who you are when you begin to speak.

If you speak well of others, or ill of them, people will know you by your word. I have given thought about how I'd like to be known among my friends. I would like to be kind, and so I practice kindness. I would like to be patient and forgiving. And I would like to be thought of as someone who never spoke poorly.

Now. To practice that. Once the desire is in your heart you can begin to create that reality. The good news for each of us is that we have control. We have control over everything that goes into our own mouth, and we have control over everything that comes out of our mouth.

While this is a daunting realization, it is also freeing. I am free to sit quietly and take in what is happening. My mouth does not control my brain, and just because I think of the perfect witty comment, sarcastic comeback, or stinging insult, I am in control. I can choose quiet.

A lot of you are probably laughing, doubting that I could really exercise such restraint. Shakespeare wrote in Henry IV that discretion is the better part of valor. It is sometimes more noble to be cautious and reserved than to jump in with every thought that enters your head. I'm really saying this to myself. To convince myself that it is true, to reinforce for myself that I can control my tongue, and that it is a good thing.

I have often regretted a harsh or unkind word, but I have never, ever regretted saying something kind to someone, even someone who didn't deserve it. For many years, when I home schooled my children, we started the day with a memory verse. Time and again, I used a verse from the book of Proverbs, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but unkind words stir up anger.” My children, and more importantly, I learned that using unkind, harsh words served only to make an argument worse, while answering softly could diffuse an argument.

I am learning that how I speak is just important as how much. Often we get caught up in negative speaking about ourselves, our circumstances, or other people. Many parents over the years have admonished their children, “If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.”

There is a lot of merit to that statement. When we speak unkindly about ourselves, we begin to believe what we are saying. And when we speak unkindly about other people, others believe that is how we talk about everyone, even them.

By speaking a positive message we fill our lives with hope, and possibility. When we focus on the negative, about our job, or family, our life, we fill our world with unhappy, unsatisfied, unfilled energy. We are left always wanting more. Always seeking, searching and never content.

Speaking well about your own life will fill you with a sense of well being and joy. When you change your speaking from, “I hate this..” or “This make me so angry...” to “I am so thankful that....” you shift your entire world.

Changing the way you speak regarding your life, your health, your job, your relationships, your kids... that is the first step toward improving those things, and appreciating them for how great they really are.

We don't have to change everything. We just have to change one thing. Today, my friends, I challenge you to remove negative speaking from yourself. If someone is gossiping, you could sit quietly when they are finished, or say “Let's talk about something else.” If you hear yourself complaining about work, stop. Stop talking. 

And then, after the silence is settled, speak your gratitude to the universe. I am so thankful.

Namaste my friends