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The Winds of Change

5/21/2014

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Spring is in the air. The scent of blossoms hangs sweet, the warm sun shines longer and birds begin their songs in the early hours before light.

I would say that spring is my favorite season, but that would be inaccurate. My favorite season is whatever season we are in. I love fresh new life that heralds spring. I also love the hot, lazy days of summer. And fall days, luxurious and golden are beauty beyond compare. I even appreciate the brisk cold air of winter.

Spring brings with it a compulsion to change. I want to clean out musty closets, wash the grimy windows and throw out the old sheets. But the fresh clean wind, the cleansing spring rain, and the new energy of spring bring something more.

Many people are feeling a deep longing for something deeper. There is unrest among people I talk to, myself included, that begs to be answered. Ennui set in, following the long, cold months of winter, a feeling of restlessness and weariness that goes deeper than being tired.

Sleep doesn’t quite satisfy. Tedium persists, and the doldrums hang on, in spite of the flowering trees, the singing birds and the buzzing bees.

How to you satiate the yearnings of your soul? Where does fulfillment lie? The question begs to be answered and I wonder what the purpose of being here really is.

You don’t have to quit your day job to find the change you seek. You could, but such drastic steps aren’t necessary. We are here for a purpose. That purpose is to live each day as an expression of who we really are. The problem is, a lot of times we don’t know who we really are, or we lose sight. We become weighed down by the requirements and responsibilities of life.

We are meant to enjoy life, not just endure it. Do you enjoy what you are doing? If the answer is no, then perhaps it’s time for a little introspection. It’s time to allow the energy of change that is so prevalent in the spring to blow through your life and inspire you.

It all sounds good on paper, but the reality of living a life that fulfills you on a deep level can be complicated. There are bills to pay, mouths to feed, work to be done. I know the litany of excuses that prevent people from enjoying life. I use them myself, when I forget who I am and why I am here.

In those times, when you’ve lost sight of your passion, it is time to regroup. Get a piece of paper and a pen and answer the following questions: What would you honestly do if money were no object? What is one thing you dream of doing in your lifetime? What is a skill that you wish you had? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? What are you afraid of?

Start writing and let your subconscious mind speak. Let your heart have its say. After you’ve written for a while, go back and read. These are the beginnings of who you really are. See if you can incorporate something into your everyday life. Spend some time today and everyday doing something you enjoy.

Life is short. Today is a great day to start doing something new. To change something you don’t like. We are here to express who we really are, and to create the life we really want. Change doesn’t have to be drastic to be effective. You just have to commit to doing something different. Even small changes can bring about great happiness. Today is a day to enjoy your life rather than endure it.

Namaste, friends

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When in Doubt, Don't Hit Send

4/9/2014

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Have you ever gotten a rude email from a coworker, a snotty text from a teenager, or read an aggravating post on Facebook? Welcome to the information superhighway. We are bombarded daily with messages from so many different directions, it’s hard to know which way is up.

I have learned the hard way, that the way to deal with messages that make me mad, whether they are from my children, coworkers, friends or acquaintances, is to not hit send.

When I receive a message that rubs me the wrong way, my initial response is usually disbelief. “What?” I think. “How could they say such a thing to me, or about me? I’ve never done anything wrong! I am an innocent bystander.”

My disbelief usually gives way quickly to righteous indignation. “I’m going to set them straight. They obviously don’t know what they are talking about,” I think as my fingers quickly type out a biting response.

Those responses, fired off in the heat of passion, rarely produce the desired result. What I want is a broken and contrite teenager. What I get is a back and forth of nasty that leaves me feeling drained, defeated and dirty.

Fortunately, with eight kids, I get lots of practice. And I have learned that, while a witty and hard-hitting retort may satisfy my need to be right, it is usually not in my best interest. Wait. I exaggerate. It is never in my best interest to cut people to the quick.

I work with words. I love words. I pride myself on being able to eviscerate a person with just a few quick key-strokes. The written word is a powerful tool. Much like our spoken words, what we say has the power to lift someone up, or tear them down. When attacked, I often choose to come back with greater force, to teach them a much-needed lesson.

There is a better way. When you see something that hurts you, or is untrue about you, or just makes you mad, you can write the meanest response you like. The secret is to not hit send.

Once you have written your rebuttal, don’t hit send. Wait a while. Reread it. Consider if this is truly how you want to present yourself.

Who we are is a result of what we think, say and do. The things we do and say are evident to everyone around us. As a mom, as a friend, and as a person, I want to be kind, gentle and loving to those around me. Even when I get mad, or feel unjustly attacked, my response should reflect who I want to be. Each moment is an opportunity to decide again, who you want to be.

Go ahead and write that scathing response. Even better than typing it, write it by hand on a piece of paper. You can really let them have it on paper. Once you have written your meanest, self-justifying letter, read it again. Consider for a moment that what the other person said or wrote really had nothing to do with you. Although they sent that text or email, or made that comment, it is really a reflection of who they are, and where they were at that moment. It has nothing to do with you. Really.

Now that you’ve reread your response, consider if this is really who you are. Is this how you want that person to perceive you? If you are on social media, is this how you want everyone else to perceive you? Do you really want your kids, your coworkers and your friends to feel the full brunt of your ire?

Now is the time to hit delete. You’ve written your response, vented your anger, and had your say. Now, don’t hit send. Let it sit awhile. Chances are, when you come back around to your response in a few minutes, or an hour, or a day, you will feel differently.

I rarely regret holding my tongue. I always regret the unkind words I have spoken. The sharp sword of my words brings regret and sadness and the satisfaction I long for is elusive.

A kind word is never wasted or regretted. If you are ever in doubt, don’t hit send.

Namaste friends

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    Deborah Demander: Writer,
     Speaker, Motivator,
    Healer,
    Lover of Life 

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