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When Things Fall Apart

5/26/2013

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It’s easy to be optimistic when life runs smoothly.  When things flow, everything seems to work together. Stressors come along, but you handle them calmly. Problems arise, but you work through them. Conflicts seem to dissipate fairly, when life is in the flow.

But what about when everything falls apart? How do you handle your life then? The philosophical answer is that you remain in the moment, unperturbed. You remember to breathe deeply and calmly. You focus on only the things you can change in the moment. The spiritual answer: you ask God for strength. You focus on God as the source of your comfort, and of all things in your life. On a physical level, when things around you fall apart, you maintain your disciplined schedule of rising early, studying and meditating, exercising, strict eating. You avoid those foods that are known to increase your anxiety, and you eschew alcohol.

All of those answers exist in an ideal world. But what about in real life, when things fall apart? What about when you can’t make it through the day without a glass of wine or two, and before bedtime you realize the bottle is empty again? What about when you lose your job? Even though it was a stressful job that didn’t pay nearly enough, and you never felt acknowledged for your work, it was still a job. It still gave some purpose to your day.  What about when someone you love leaves you? Although you fought a lot, and were getting tired of them anyway, you still miss the idea of being in a relationship.

When things fall apart in real life, what does a normal person do? We aren’t all spiritual gurus or disciplined yogis, or fit athletes, able to roll with the punches, no matter the circumstance. In real life, real people handle stress in a myriad of ways. When life caves in all around you, there are some things you can do, that don’t require you to be enormously disciplined, that will help shore up the walls of your sanity.

When things fall apart, the first step is to ask for help. You don’t have to ask anyone specifically. The Universe will hear your request, whether it is out loud or just in your heart. Ask for help and believe that it is on its way. When you ask the universe for help, remember to release the form it takes. When help comes your way, be sure to take advantage of it, rather than reject it based on looks alone. Just because your help doesn’t come packaged the way you’d expected, don’t dismiss it out of hand.

After asking for help, it is important to remember to breath. Often when you are in the midst of mind numbing crisis, one of the things you forget to do is breathe. Of course, you are breathing. It’s an automatic function. But during crisis or panic mode, the breathing often becomes rapid and shallow. You forget to breathe deeply, and you neglect a full exhale. Breathing properly is an extremely important part of healing. Breathe in deeply, fully oxygenating your blood, filling your lungs to capacity. Hold it for a moment, and then breathe out fully, cleansing your lungs and your body of stale air. A few deep breaths will help clear and calm your mind, and will release some of the stress you’ve been carrying.

The main thing to keep in mind when things fall apart is this: everything always changes. Regardless of the situation you are in now, this too shall pass. Everything is in a constant state of change. The good times will pass into hard times. The hard times will flow into good times. The cycle will continue throughout your life. So even when things fall apart, the best thing you can do for yourself is to realize that things will come together, and they will fall apart again.

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    Deborah Demander: Writer,
     Speaker, Motivator,
    Healer,
    Lover of Life 

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